


Unspoken

by carinascott



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-13
Updated: 2011-08-13
Packaged: 2017-10-22 15:06:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/239363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carinascott/pseuds/carinascott
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mac and Don find themselves in an emotional hell. Can the unspoken words between them finally set them free?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: 3x08: Consequences, 3x21: Past Imperfect, 3x22: Cold Reveal, 3x23: Comes Around
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters, just having a bit of fun.
> 
>  **  
> _Originally written in 2010, though tweaked a bit before reposting here. :)_   
> **

It has been a long couple of weeks. Sinclair and Gerard’s witch hunt has been hell on him and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. He's been exonerated, but media speculation hasn't stopped just because the truth has been revealed, and more often than not Mac has some random reporter shoving a mic in his face when he comes out of his brownstone, or when he reaches the lab. He's just ready for all the media interest to die down so he can focus on doing his job, without all the distractions.

Sitting alone in that courtroom, listening as his reputation was trashed, watching as all of his hard work and dedication to the citizens of New York was trampled on; it had been too much. At the time, walking out of the courtroom had been the only choice. That or punching his fist through a wall, and he knew that wouldn’t go over well.

 _'Not that walking out of the courtroom went over too well either.’_ Mac thought derisively.

It wasn't so much that the inquisition had been hard to take. It had been, but Mac had been relatively confident that he'd come out on top, if a little worse for wear. No the hard part had been that Don, the man he'd been confiding in and sleeping with for seven months at the time, hadn't believed him. It was implied that Don knew he hadn't killed Clay Dobson simply because Don had been set to testify on Mac's behalf, but never once had the younger man come right out and said that he believed Mac to be innocent.

In fact, based on what he’d said to Mac after he'd walked out of the courtroom, it was easy for Mac to assume that Don believed he’d thrown Clay Dobson from the roof.

 _‘All I know is what you told me when I got up to the top.’_

Hearing the doubt in Don’s voice had bothered Mac then, and now almost a month later, it continued to do so. Mac had wondered what he could've done to Don to cause the younger man to lose faith in him to such a degree.

Mac was the first one to admit that over the last few months their relationship had been strained. The sex between them had pretty much disappeared, and the precious little time they did spend together was nothing like it had been. Mac had attributed the change to the increase in their workload as well as the stress and strain Don was under after Dean Truby's arrest had caused an outcry within the department, Don often taking the brunt of the anger when one of Truby's arrests were overturned. But even with all that, he'd never thought that Don would lose faith in him to such a degree. Anger? Sure. But to think he'd actually murder someone? It tore at Mac more than he liked to admit what that kind of doubt, especially coming from someone he loved, did to his soul.

 _‘…your word may not be good enough, Mac.’_

Though Don had been referring to the media when he'd spoken, Mac couldn’t help but feel that those words had a deeper meaning. That maybe Mac’s word, his character, was no longer enough for Don to believe in. Maybe he wasn’t enough for Don, period.

Sighing loudly, feeling the depression that he’s been warring with for weeks start to weigh on him, Mac decides to go for a quick jog. Clear his mind of the depressing thoughts, maybe tire his body out enough so that he can sleep without nightmares of Mac looking down from the rooftop finding that it was Don, not Dobson, that had jumped from the roof with hands cuffed behind him. Heading into his bedroom, Mac quickly changes into running shorts and a t-shirt, before heading out for his run.

It isn’t long after his run begins that Mac finds his mind drifting back to Don.

Don had congratulated him after Mac had been cleared. Don had even encouraged Mac to join him and the rest of the team for a celebratory drink later that night, paying for a round as they all toasted to Mac and his exoneration.

But that had been almost a month ago. And, outside of work, Mac hadn’t laid eyes on Don since that night. As much as he missed making love to Don, he mostly missed the warmth of the younger man pressed against him as he slept. Even when they'd argued, they'd still slept in the same bed, even if the space between them was more than usual. But as the Truby and Dobson cases had gone on and on, Mac's sheets had grown colder and colder with each passing night. And by the time Mac had been exonerated, Don hadn't slept Mac's bed in days. And he hadn't made an appearance in the month that had passed since that celebratory drink with the team. As hopeless as the situation was, Mac had still held out hope that Don might come back. But after today, Mac knew it was time to be honest with himself. It was over between him and Don.

Mac had shown up at Don's house earlier today after work, completely uninvited since Don had stopped answering his calls, hoping that maybe an impromptu visit would inspire some discussion about what was going on between them.

But Don had insisted he was exhausted, and given the dark circles under his eyes coupled with the fact that they had all been working round the clock to find a rapist preying on young girls, Mac hadn’t had the heart to deny the younger man his rest. So he’d come home, with a heavy heart and his stomach twisted in knots. Even though it had hurt that Don didn’t believe him about Dobson, even though he’d hated the wall that had been between them since Truby’s arrest, Mac still wanted to make this work. Realizing that Don didn’t even want to try filled Mac with so much heartache that he thought he’d suffocate from the loss.

But, Mac issn’t cruel. If Don wants out, he’ll let the younger man go. And he’ll do his best to not let his heartache impact their working relationship.

Panting as he sees his building up ahead, slowing down gradually before coming to a complete stop in front of his building, Mac begins his cool down stretch. He's just finishing up when he looks up to see Don coming out of his building.

“Don? What’re you doing here? Did we get a case?” Mac asks, glancing down at his cell to see if he’s missed a call.

“Uhm, no. No case. I just…” Don trails off, glancing away from Mac, running his hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. Turning sad eyes back to Mac, Don says, “Look Mac, we need to talk.”

Nodding, figuring he knows what Don wants to talk about and not wanting to have this conversation on the street, Mac gestures towards his building, “Come on up. I’ll put on a pot of coffee.”

The ride up to his floor is silent, the elevator stifling with the obtrusive silence. Finally reaching his floor, Mac grabs his keys from his pocket and makes quick work of the lock once they reach his door.

He isn’t more than two feet inside before Don pounces on him, pushing him against the wall and taking his mouth in a deep kiss.

Confused, and more than a little angry considering Don’s behavior over the last few weeks, Mac forces himself to push Don away. He tries to ignore his own arousal as well as the flash of hurt on the younger man’s face as Don backs up.

“I’m sorry, Mac.”

Ignoring the apology, not really sure what to do with it at this point, Mac asks, “Don, why are you here? You’ve practically ignored me for weeks now, unless it had to do with the job. And now you’re here kissing me?! What is going on?”

“Maybe I should just go,” Don responds, heading for the door.

“Please Don, don’t walk away from me. Just, just help me understand. Please.”

Don stops, but he doesn't turn around for a long moment. Finally, with a heavy sigh, Don turns to Mac, glancing at the older man quickly before crossing the room and taking a seat on the couch. “Got any bourbon?”

Figuring it will it would probably be easier for both of them to have this conversation with the help of a little liquid courage, Mac nodded and walked over to his small bar area. Pouring each of them a healthy glass of the amber liquid, he headed back to the couch, offering Don the drink before taking a seat on the other end of the sofa.

Drinking silently for a few moments, Mac thinks Don was never going to speak, before the younger man finally looks at him. “I know you didn’t kill Clay Dobson. I don’t think I ever said that. No, I _know_ I never said it. But I know you Mac, and I know you’re not that kind of man. I’m sorry that I let you go this long thinking otherwise.”

Feeling a lot of the pain and doubt he’s been carrying around for weeks ease, Mac looks Don in the eye, “Why did you?”

Sighing, Don rubs a hand over his face, “Because of Dean Truby. After Truby’s arrest, going in to work each day was hell. No one did anything obvious, but I could see it in their eyes, Mac. They blamed me, even more than they blamed you, for Truby’s arrest. Felt somehow I’d betrayed my fellow officers, even though Truby was the dirty cop. And I hated it, Mac. Hated feeling like a traitor in my own house, and knowing there was nothing I could do about it. And it was easier to take it out on you.”

Don downs the rest of his scotch, placing the empty glass on the table, before continuing. “When Clay Dobson’s body fell from that roof, pretty much right before my eyes, I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know what happened, but I never, not for one second, thought you’d intentionally thrown him from the roof. I figured that maybe, maybe there was an altercation and he’d somehow fallen. But then I saw the cuffs, and I knew even that wasn’t possible. It didn’t add up and I couldn’t reconcile that with the man that I know you to be.”

Mac takes in everything Don had told him so far, truly relieved that Don hadn’t ever doubted him, but still unsure why he’d acted the way he has these last few months, “Then why? Why didn’t you ever say that? Why let all this, I don’t know... tension build up over the months?”

Don stands and walks over to the window, standing their silently for a long while. Finally breaking the silence, “Because I wanted you to know how it felt, Mac. Wanted you to know what it felt like to have your friends and coworkers doubt you. I hated myself for it, I really did. But that’s the truth. I wanted you to hurt as much as I did, so I let you think the worst. I let you believe that I saw you as a murderer.”

Mac can't breathe for a moment, the pain of the truth almost unbearable. But instead of wallowing in it, or lashing out because of it, Mac choses to push it away.

It would be easy to lash out at Don for what he’s done. Too easy. But the truth is that in many ways, Mac had asked for it. He’d known that Don was having trouble with the aftermath of Truby’s arrest. He’d known and he hadn’t done anything about it. Sure, there wasn’t much he could do about other people’s reactions, and even if he could’ve, Don wouldn’t have wanted him to. Don was a proud man and he wouldn’t have wanted Mac fighting his battles. But Mac could’ve offered support in other ways, and he hadn’t.

So really, Don’s reaction when the shoe was on the other foot, when Mac needed the support he’d never once offered Don, was pretty understandable.

Sighing, Mac stands and walks over to Don. “Don, please look at me.”

After a few moments hesitation, Don finally turns to look at Mac.

“I’m sorry.” Mac says once Don looks him in the eyes. 

“What? Mac, you have nothing to be sorry for. I shouldn’t have doubted you.” 

“You didn’t. I know that now. And I should never have acted so nonchalant about the whole Truby thing. I knew how people were treating you at work, I heard all the whispers. But I never stepped in and said anything.” 

“I’m a grown man, Mac. I don’t need you stepping in for me.” 

“I’m not saying that you do, Don. But I should’ve been there for you. If not on the job, then I should’ve been there for you off the job. And I wasn’t. I just expected you to understand and accept what I’d done, without really taking into account how everything had to affect you. It’s no wonder you lashed out when you had the chance. I don’t blame you.” 

“But _I_ blame me, Mac! I should’ve said something all those nights we lay next to each other, barely touching because of all the crap standing between us. And when it got to be too much, instead of talking, I just stopped coming over. I shouldn’t have let it get this bad.” 

“ _We_ shouldn’t have let it get this bad Don. We’re both to blame. And we’re both sorry for it. But I think the best thing to do now is to just put it in the past, where it belongs, and try to move forward.”

“Together?” Don asks, uncertainty written clearly across his face.

Reaching up to caress Don’s cheek, Mac smiles slightly, “Together. As long as that’s what you still want?” 

“It is, Mac. Even with everything going on, I never stopped wanting you. Never stopped loving you.”

Smiling for real this time, Mac leans in to kiss Don, moaning as the younger man opens to the kiss immediately. The kiss goes on for an eternity, both men reacquainting themselves with the other, before they finally pull apart.

“I love you too, Don.” Mac whispers, as he leaned in to the younger man's embrace, reveling in the feel of Don’s arms around him. 

“Come on Mac. Let’s go to bed. I haven’t really been sleeping too well without you there with me.” 

“Me either. But I _really_ need a shower." Mac chuckls, looking up at Don, "You want to join me?”

Don leans in quickly, stealing another kiss, before smiling against Mac’s lips, “I’d love to.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Later that night, lying in bed with Don wrapped around him, snoring softly in his ear, Mac knows things will be alright. 

It's a given that they'll have more disagreements in the future, their strong personalities pretty much guarantee it. But Mac is certain that, if nothing else, these last few months have taught them a valuable lesson. And there is no way either of them will let things get this bad between them again.

Sighing happily, deeply content now that they are both back where they belong, Mac closes his eyes and drifts to sleep. 

 **THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> Though I’ve long been a fan of Mac/Don, I’ve never actually written anything for the pairing until now. But the Dean Truby and Clay Dobson storylines really caught my attention. So, I started thinking, “If Mac and Don were in a relationship, how would this affect them?”, and it led to this. :)
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you thought!


End file.
